hikarinoniji

Title: The kid that became a man
Genre: Angst
Pairings: OnTae (mentioned), OnHyun (Friendship)
Warning: Character death.
Summary: It had been the decision of a grown man to save what was most precious to him, instead of his own ass.
A/N: I have a thing for 'rare pairs' and I love Onew and Jjong interaction. + my first SHINee fic. Oh wow.

Hadn't his eyes been so hollow, no one would have guessed there was something behind Lee Jinki's everlasting smile. Silently he sat beside the window, staring at the motions outside, not even sure himself what it was that he was staring at.
"Hyung?"
He looked up, his gaze meeting the always faithful eyes of his friend and fellow group-member, Jonghyun. The older male blinked, a smile forming upon his lips. A silent, 'rest assured, don't worry, I'm fine.'
But Jonghyun wasn't one to be fooled, nor was Jinki a very good liar.
Not caring about the fact that he was now invading the older male's private space, the smaller man wriggled himself into the same corner as his leader had done. Due the fact that they now had to share a relatively small amount of space and neither of them felt like falling off, Jinki was fast to grab the younger male by the waist, whilst the younger merely held onto his arm.
Pressing his forehead against the cold glass the older of two continued to stare outside, where now raindrops started to fall from the dark starless sky. His eyes followed the the drops on their way down on his window, until they had reached their destination and formed a small puddle underneath it on the windowsill.
Slowly it started raining harder, as if the sky was crying. And Jinki cried with her. Soft sobs emerged from his lips, catching the attention of the younger man who had been so comfortable in his position that he had nearly forgotten why he was there in the first place.
"Hyung? You're crying..."
"No I'm not. It's the rain." Was the short, damped answer.
"We're inside." His free hand carefully rubbed against the bare skin of his leader's arm, who in vain, tried to hide and dry the tears.
"It's okay hyung. You can cry, we all do."
Another muted sob, the irregular breath that tried to steady itself as the taller man shook his head, dark brown locks falling in front of his eyes. "I have no right to cry. It was my fault."
It was quiet next to him and Jinki thought he had silenced the other. He tried to scramble up his feet, to the escape the situation or rather the confrontation that could lead to it. Behind him, he heard a soft but steady, "no it wasn't."
His head cocked back to the younger member that now stared at him with an emotion the light brown haired male could not determine. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could say anything he got interrupted, "don't you dare to tell me it was. Saying it is your fault is the same as saying it's a mistake that you are still here. That he died in vain."
The older of two bit his lower lip at the words, a new stream of tears forming in the corner of his eyes. Slowly he slid down again, sitting only a few inches away from his former spot.
"He was just as kid," he whispered, barely audible and easily mistaken for a gush of wind, however, Jonghyun was sure he had heard it. "He always tried to fight dragons that could not be defeated. Whether it was about his age or the fact that he looked like a girl... Knowing he would lose anyway, Taemin fought against it all. The idiot." The last words had sound bittered, Jinki realized too late and in order to avoid the brown piercing eyes of his friend he was quick to fiddle with the small silver ring on his finger.
"That idiot loved you," Jonghyun finally snapped, slowly losing his patience, "and the decision he made that night, to push you away, wasn't the decision of a kid, Jinki. It was the decision of a grown man who rather saved what was most precious to him than his own ass."
This seemed to trigger something inside the older man. In the blink of an eye he launched himself from his spot, an animal-like sound filling the room as his fingers entangled with the younger man's shirt, pushing the body underneath him against the windowpane with a force that he had never showed before.
"You know nothing!"
For a moment there the smaller male had been too startled to even say a word, let alone push the other away. But before he could do so, the grip on his shirt got replaced by a forehead and the hands that had hold onto him just a moment before, now encircled his body, pulling it closer with a desperate need of comfort.
"I-- I miss him so much. His presence, his smell, his smile," Jonghyun heard Jinki's muffled sobs against his shirt, wetting the fabric with his tears. "And the worst thing is that I know he's never coming back again, he went away even before I could tell him how-- How much I loved him."
What the older man said afterwards was gibberish to the younger, the sobs had gotten huskier and heavier, and the fact that Jinki's face was still hiding against his chest made it unable for anyone to understand what he was saying. Not that it was needed.
Jonghyun's fingers softly entangled themselves in the soft brown locks of the other, gently caressing his head, whispering as convincing as he could, "there was no need for you to tell him... He knew. He knew all along."