Hikari Hitotsu

[hikarinoniji]

Just a drabble based on Takizawa's Hikari Hitotsu ^^

Lightly spinning back around, we add more lies
Even if my lonely heart was being cheated
There was a faint expectation in my heart and I held my hands up
Dirtying the beautiful blue sky

The rain strained down his cheeks, drenching his clothes and filling his body in with coldness. Memories from what he just saw kept running trough his head, like a broken tape recorder only willing to play that one part.

He saw how his hand caressed the other ones cheeks and how mouths pressed against each other in a mingle of love and lust.
"What are you gonna tell Yabu?"

"Ssssht Inoo-chan. He doesn't have to know."
The play continued. Hands entangled. Lips found their way to each other like a magnet, before parting again. Hands ran down a bare chest. He heard giggles, soft smooching sounds and all of a sudden those words. Those words, he had always have to beg for, now all of a sudden spontaneously spoken. But not to him.
"I love you Inoo-chan."
He felt his heart break again, only remembering those words. What would be the excuse this time? What lie would he come up with this time, when Yabu asked what he had done tonight? His head kept spinning and in his chest he felt this indescribable pain.

Emotions that won't reach you, tears that fall
If you'll forgive me, I want to take it away, the light

I hide my sadness and just wander lost in this world
Where's the flower that's withered from love? Ah, I embrace the dream
You hide the truth and have not finished questioning your endless heart
I wonder what that light I'm searching for will shine upon

The days after he ignored Inoo. He avoided Hikaru. It was to much for the 19-year old. He knew the truth, and yet he wished the world was still lying to him.
He had faint fantasies about running away, and turning his back on everything he had fought for the past 8 years. He daydreamed about stopping Inoo's breath, or taking horrible revenge on Hikaru, only the feel sick and disgusted about himself afterwards.
He didn't understand his own feelings and at one point he just wished it all stopped.
He distanced himself from everyone, only to come out for work. When some one spoke to him he just shrugged, and did what he had to do. Slowly people started losing interest in him. And he was glad for that. Because he wanted to do something he couldn't, knowing people still cared about him.

With a strong oath in my heart I step into the darkness
I leave others' hearts behind
The smiling faces we smoothly exchanged
Were seen in the dark shadows of the past

He left a letter before he did it. It was less painful as he had thought. Slowly blood dripped along his arms, leaving traces that resembled the pain he had lived in the past few weeks.
He never knew a broken heart could be so fragile, leading to this kind of stuff. And even though he had never felt compassion for the people who robbed their selves from their live. Now he felt like he could understand them.

Emotions that won't reach you, tears that fall
If dreams will come true, I will seek you, the light

I hide my sadness and am in a pitch black whirlpool of fate
If that is how I must live, just once is fine, ah, show me the dream
I hide the truth, there is this never ending tale
If it were to finish very soon, I wonder if it would make things easier

There is a faint light embracing him. But it's not strong enough to pull him back from all that happened. He hears ticking sounds, more like a beep. Sobbing people, and he wished them away.
Go away, I left you already now please leave me too.
He doesn't dare to open his eyes. He just keeps silent. Because that was his intention. Keeping silent about what he knew. For ever. Without having to bear the consequences.

 

Ah, when I am expecting something
I call for your love to the distant sky
Ah, when something is being concealed
After the confusion, I'll seek out a way to save it

Emotions that won't reach you, tears that fall
If you'll forgive me, I want to take it away, the light

I hide my sadness and just wander lost in this world
Where's the flower that's withered from love? Ah, I embrace the dream
I hide the truth and embrace the gentleness that doesn't lie
I wonder what your light, with helping hands, will shine upon

It was his light that left him. The wrong one. Why? He had planned it all so well. But now it felt like he missed a part. And all there was left was a letter on the desk next to his hospitale bed.
Inoo cried. He cried so much. "I'm sorry Yabu. If only we had told you."
But he didn't cry for Yabu. He cried for his loved one.
The one that had found Yabu in the unlocked dressingroom, bathing in his own blood. Barely alive. The one that fount the letter in where Yabu told he knew about his affair, and that he couldn't bare the pain anymore.
The one that was so shocked, that after saving his dear ones life, taking his own.
The one that left nothing but a small letter with 3 words written on it.
I'm sorry Yabu.



I'm sorry for writing such a depressing thing. But I'm sick and next to that a lot of things are going on in my head right now. At the moment this is how I feel. So year. It´s not Yabu who died obviously. It´s Hikaru. I dunno.. O_o ... It's weird, because I've never written someone comiting suicide. Oh well.
I do not hate HikaNoo, or Hikaru for all that matter, just to make clear. I love them both dearly, but this is just my sick mind after reading the English lyrics for Tackey's song Hikaru Hitotsu. I'll try to write chapter 3 of my HikaYabuInoo fic. Because that's way more cheerful.