One last kiss, and a final goodbye...
Jan. 15th, 2010 01:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hikarinoniji"Friendship is all about betraying and being betrayed." After all these years he had proved himself right.
'When did you find out? Were you ever going to tell me? And how? Would you have laughed and shrugged it off, like it was nothing? Like you always did. No matter how serious the situation was. You were a born pessimist, but dealt with everything like it was nothing. Knowing you, you would have said, "I had a good life." And that was it.
You selfishly choose to protect me. But I didn't wanted to be protected. Because I would have been there for you. Because I wanted. Because I needed. Because now, there isn't a way I can leave it all behind. I can't leave you behind.'
When he walked in, there was this heavy atmosphere lingering in the usual light hearted dressing room. His eyes shifted through the room, but there was no one kind enough to advent his gaze. There was something wrong, but he couldn't get a hold of it just yet.
"Where is Inoo?"
Chinen got up and walked outside. Yuto trailing behind him. Leaving the youngest BEST member behind with a weird feeling in his stomach. His tried to meet Yamada's eyes, but the younger boy gazed away. His lips pressed into each other with a slight force, definitely holding back something. The knit in the 18 year old 's stomach grew tighter.
The short black haired boy frowned, "is he dead or something?"
It was the trigger. Takaki started crying. Tears streamed down his cheeks, his voice trembling and disturbed with little hick-ups. He tried to explain, but Yabu stopped him because the latter couldn't make himself understandable. Their oldest member comforted him, and Daiki had the feeling he had said something really wrong.
"Is something wrong with Inoo?!" His voice was steady. He already knew something was wrong with the older boy, but he had yet to figure out what it was.
The taller boy gently shook his head, causing his hair to fall in front of his eyes. He didn't bother to wipe it away and somehow it gave him a fragile, older looking posture.
"No. Nothing 's wrong with Inoo. He just decided to quit JUMP. It has been in the way of his studies. And due the fact Johnny barely gives him any work, he thought it would have been better to just call it even and quit."
'At that point I should have already knew something was wrong. The talk was so monitored. The lines too well spoken. But I couldn't see it. I was so mad. I ran out of the dressing room. Screaming. Crying. Yelling. I wanted to see you, but Hikaru got a hold of me, and dragged me back to the dressing room. It had been your own choice, we should respect that. That was what they told me. If only they had told me back then what I know now. Maybe I would have been a lot more understanding.'
He waited in front of his house. Minutes passed by as if they were hours, but he had to see him. He had to know. Not from Yabu. Nor Yamada. But from Inoo himself.
When the young college student saw him his eyes widened in surprise for a second, but quickly he regained himself. He passed by like he was a stranger, and for a moment Daiki was too shocked to do something about it. When the realization hit him quite fast after that, he tried to grasp for Inoo's shirt to jerk him back, but his fingers missed the fabrics by less than an inch. The older boy disappeared into the gate, and as soon as the gate were closed, Daiki knew no one was gonna come out anymore.
There wasn't a day that passed by without him thinking about his former band member. Whether it was about his condition right now, the whole 'why did he leave us?'-issue, or simply anger for not even letting it know himself. Either way, Inoo never left his mind. And you could also say, he never left his heart. Because every time the youngest BEST member saw a picture of the 10 of them together, pictures of other members and Inoo, or even Inoo just by himself, he found himself getting all teary eyed and this heavy feeling made its way in his chest. It absorbed the warm feelings in his chest and left nothing but a cold hollow darkness. He told himself to get over with, but saying such things was easier said than done.
'I will never forget that day, that phone call. It was the first time I'd heard such a desperate voice. Hikaru's voice. He begged me, pleaded me not to hate him for keeping it for me but now your condition was crucial, and he felt like I needed to know. I didn't understand half of the things he said, but when he gave the name of the hospital, and the number of the room my body moved on its own, as if it knew why it had to go there. Not knowing it was already too late.
With his skateboard he passed by several people. He had been hanging around with Yamada again, but the atmosphere was heavy. The younger boy hadn't talked much and Daiki had got annoyed but it.
Ever since Inoo had left Yamada had a lot of these days, where they would hang out but where the boy wouldn't talk much. Yet, when Daiki muttered he'd go home, he became active, pouting and whining that the older boy had promised to hang out with him! Daiki had thought of him as 'bipolar' and 'must be the stress' thus he had let it slipped by.
Half way trough the afternoon the short one had received Hikaru's phone call, and he stared at Yamada in disbelief.
"Go Daiki. This as long as we could manage to keep it away from you."
Daiki still didn't understand, but before he knew what he was doing his practically flying through the mass in Tokyo, begging his skateboard to go faster, hoping he would make it in time for whatever he would find in the hospital.
When he rushed in, the first thing he saw was Keito. Looking at his watch, and gazing through the hall as if he was searching for something. 'Something' he found when his gaze met Daiki's and he ran over.
"Come with me."
A warm hand enclosed itself around Daiki's and without complaining he followed the younger guy. Where the elevator took too long the 2 boys ran up the stairs. They ran through several halls, but there was no one who stopped them, and somewhere along the way it surprised the shorter guy how well his friend knew the way here. Before he knew what happened he got shoved into a room, where Yabu was sitting and crying on a chair hugging Ryutaro and patting his hair.
"Yabu-kun?"
Two brown teary eyes looked up, and he sniffled. "Come Ryuu, time to go."
The youngest JUMP nodded, and added with a small voice, "bye Inoo..."
While the 2 boys made their way out of the dressing room, Daiki finally saw the figure lying in his bed. It was a fragile image, of the once so proud young Meiji student with his bright smile and beautiful curly hair. The hair was replaced for a black hood. Machines were attached to his whole body, and the hart monitor gave a weak 'bleep'. The younger boys eyes filled with tears and he ran over to the hospital bed.
"Inoo!," he cried, "Inoo, what are you doing here? Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
He lied his head down on Inoo's small chest, and his fingers entangled with the rank piano fingers of the older. He cried, and sobbed, but looked up when another hand made it's way through his hair, softly caressing it. He saw that the dark eyes of the other were open, and a weak smile came to meet his eye.
"Dai-chan... I thought I'd never see you again." The voice was so weak. So fragile, as if it would break. But it also sounded so happy. So genuine.
"W-What are you talking about? You're gonna get out of here right? You're not going to die here, are you?" Daiki's eyes pleaded, his voice trembled and his heart rumbled in his chest.
Inoo closed his eyes in defeat. "I think I lost this fight. The doctors can't help me anymore. It's over Dai-chan. Very soon it'll all be over."
Daiki moved closer, and his lips met Inoo's. They felt scanty and dry, but when the kiss was weakly answered, the younger boy didn't even think of pulling back. His tears got mixed with Inoo's, and after a while Daiki didn't even knew who was crying anymore.
He got softly pushed away, and Inoo's eyes looked at him thoroughly, as if they could like right trough his head and see the purest of his soul.
"I'm glad you're here, I missed you. I love you so much Dai-chan, I don't want to leave you behind but it seems there's nothing I can do about it..."
Daiki's grip on Inoo's hands got stronger, "don't say such useless stuff."
But Inoo merely laughed weakly. "I've fought, and I've lost. There is no other way. But before I go, will you promise me one thing?"
The younger boy nodded. "Anything. I'll do anything for you."
"Please, become happy and when you are, be happy for me too so that I don't have to miss a thing when I look over you..."
Inoo's voice died away and a long steady bleep filled the room. The younger boy stared at ghe toher, and started to shake his shoulders, first very weak, but after that it got stronger.
"NO! INOO! COME BACK! HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO BE HAPPY WHEN YOU'RE NOT HERE?! COME BACK KEI! KEI COME BACK..." he screamed, but it didn't help a thing, and doctors rushed in, followed by JUMP. It was Hikaru who pulled Daiki away, and embraced him. It was Yabu who kept saying sorry, that Inoo was the one who didn't want Daiki to find out. And it was Takaki who silently collapsed in the room, asking how this could have happened.
'After that day, I haven't had a single day in which I didn't miss you. In which I didn't think about you, and wonder; how would it have been when I was by your side every day. Would I have eased your pain? Comforted you when you were sad and lonely, and didn't saw any hope at the end of the tunnel? I think I did, and I think that's the reason you didn't want me there. Not for me, but because you yourself couldn't stand having me there while you knew it was gonna end really soon.
Now you're with me every single day. Not only with me, but with the rest of JUMP and your family. As you wished for your body is cremated, and your ashed are dived in necklaces, for each and every one of us.
You already had the necklaces ready, each with a little text written on it. And though my text is the shortest of them all, I wouldn't have want it any other way.'
"I love you."
'When did you find out? Were you ever going to tell me? And how? Would you have laughed and shrugged it off, like it was nothing? Like you always did. No matter how serious the situation was. You were a born pessimist, but dealt with everything like it was nothing. Knowing you, you would have said, "I had a good life." And that was it.
You selfishly choose to protect me. But I didn't wanted to be protected. Because I would have been there for you. Because I wanted. Because I needed. Because now, there isn't a way I can leave it all behind. I can't leave you behind.'
When he walked in, there was this heavy atmosphere lingering in the usual light hearted dressing room. His eyes shifted through the room, but there was no one kind enough to advent his gaze. There was something wrong, but he couldn't get a hold of it just yet.
"Where is Inoo?"
Chinen got up and walked outside. Yuto trailing behind him. Leaving the youngest BEST member behind with a weird feeling in his stomach. His tried to meet Yamada's eyes, but the younger boy gazed away. His lips pressed into each other with a slight force, definitely holding back something. The knit in the 18 year old 's stomach grew tighter.
The short black haired boy frowned, "is he dead or something?"
It was the trigger. Takaki started crying. Tears streamed down his cheeks, his voice trembling and disturbed with little hick-ups. He tried to explain, but Yabu stopped him because the latter couldn't make himself understandable. Their oldest member comforted him, and Daiki had the feeling he had said something really wrong.
"Is something wrong with Inoo?!" His voice was steady. He already knew something was wrong with the older boy, but he had yet to figure out what it was.
The taller boy gently shook his head, causing his hair to fall in front of his eyes. He didn't bother to wipe it away and somehow it gave him a fragile, older looking posture.
"No. Nothing 's wrong with Inoo. He just decided to quit JUMP. It has been in the way of his studies. And due the fact Johnny barely gives him any work, he thought it would have been better to just call it even and quit."
'At that point I should have already knew something was wrong. The talk was so monitored. The lines too well spoken. But I couldn't see it. I was so mad. I ran out of the dressing room. Screaming. Crying. Yelling. I wanted to see you, but Hikaru got a hold of me, and dragged me back to the dressing room. It had been your own choice, we should respect that. That was what they told me. If only they had told me back then what I know now. Maybe I would have been a lot more understanding.'
He waited in front of his house. Minutes passed by as if they were hours, but he had to see him. He had to know. Not from Yabu. Nor Yamada. But from Inoo himself.
When the young college student saw him his eyes widened in surprise for a second, but quickly he regained himself. He passed by like he was a stranger, and for a moment Daiki was too shocked to do something about it. When the realization hit him quite fast after that, he tried to grasp for Inoo's shirt to jerk him back, but his fingers missed the fabrics by less than an inch. The older boy disappeared into the gate, and as soon as the gate were closed, Daiki knew no one was gonna come out anymore.
'This however didn't stop me. Every day I waited in front of your house, but we never met after that first time. I was convinced that you were taking the back door, but even when I sneaked around your house, it seemed like nobody was there.
It would rain sometimes. At those times Yabu would come to pay be a visit, desperate to take me away, but I was stubborn. In needed to see you Inoo-chan. I needed to know how you could cut me of like this? I never thought of you as 'mine' but I always thought of 'us' as special. And I also thought you were thinking the same.
I don't know how long I was standing in front of you door every day. Getting sick, slacking school and work. Losing myself a little bit everyday, in the process of searching for you.
But one day Yamada came out and punched me in the face. Told me I had to get myself together. That there were more people that cared about me, other than you, you who had did all this to me. He cried, and I cried with him. I hold onto him and he clung back onto me. After we were done crying I finally left. Together with him.
Up 'till today I still don't know if it was you who sent him, because even though Yamada is my best friend, he won't say anything about the matter. I only clearly remember the curtains in from of your window move.'
There wasn't a day that passed by without him thinking about his former band member. Whether it was about his condition right now, the whole 'why did he leave us?'-issue, or simply anger for not even letting it know himself. Either way, Inoo never left his mind. And you could also say, he never left his heart. Because every time the youngest BEST member saw a picture of the 10 of them together, pictures of other members and Inoo, or even Inoo just by himself, he found himself getting all teary eyed and this heavy feeling made its way in his chest. It absorbed the warm feelings in his chest and left nothing but a cold hollow darkness. He told himself to get over with, but saying such things was easier said than done.
'I will never forget that day, that phone call. It was the first time I'd heard such a desperate voice. Hikaru's voice. He begged me, pleaded me not to hate him for keeping it for me but now your condition was crucial, and he felt like I needed to know. I didn't understand half of the things he said, but when he gave the name of the hospital, and the number of the room my body moved on its own, as if it knew why it had to go there. Not knowing it was already too late.
With his skateboard he passed by several people. He had been hanging around with Yamada again, but the atmosphere was heavy. The younger boy hadn't talked much and Daiki had got annoyed but it.
Ever since Inoo had left Yamada had a lot of these days, where they would hang out but where the boy wouldn't talk much. Yet, when Daiki muttered he'd go home, he became active, pouting and whining that the older boy had promised to hang out with him! Daiki had thought of him as 'bipolar' and 'must be the stress' thus he had let it slipped by.
Half way trough the afternoon the short one had received Hikaru's phone call, and he stared at Yamada in disbelief.
"Go Daiki. This as long as we could manage to keep it away from you."
Daiki still didn't understand, but before he knew what he was doing his practically flying through the mass in Tokyo, begging his skateboard to go faster, hoping he would make it in time for whatever he would find in the hospital.
When he rushed in, the first thing he saw was Keito. Looking at his watch, and gazing through the hall as if he was searching for something. 'Something' he found when his gaze met Daiki's and he ran over.
"Come with me."
A warm hand enclosed itself around Daiki's and without complaining he followed the younger guy. Where the elevator took too long the 2 boys ran up the stairs. They ran through several halls, but there was no one who stopped them, and somewhere along the way it surprised the shorter guy how well his friend knew the way here. Before he knew what happened he got shoved into a room, where Yabu was sitting and crying on a chair hugging Ryutaro and patting his hair.
"Yabu-kun?"
Two brown teary eyes looked up, and he sniffled. "Come Ryuu, time to go."
The youngest JUMP nodded, and added with a small voice, "bye Inoo..."
While the 2 boys made their way out of the dressing room, Daiki finally saw the figure lying in his bed. It was a fragile image, of the once so proud young Meiji student with his bright smile and beautiful curly hair. The hair was replaced for a black hood. Machines were attached to his whole body, and the hart monitor gave a weak 'bleep'. The younger boys eyes filled with tears and he ran over to the hospital bed.
"Inoo!," he cried, "Inoo, what are you doing here? Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
He lied his head down on Inoo's small chest, and his fingers entangled with the rank piano fingers of the older. He cried, and sobbed, but looked up when another hand made it's way through his hair, softly caressing it. He saw that the dark eyes of the other were open, and a weak smile came to meet his eye.
"Dai-chan... I thought I'd never see you again." The voice was so weak. So fragile, as if it would break. But it also sounded so happy. So genuine.
"W-What are you talking about? You're gonna get out of here right? You're not going to die here, are you?" Daiki's eyes pleaded, his voice trembled and his heart rumbled in his chest.
Inoo closed his eyes in defeat. "I think I lost this fight. The doctors can't help me anymore. It's over Dai-chan. Very soon it'll all be over."
Daiki moved closer, and his lips met Inoo's. They felt scanty and dry, but when the kiss was weakly answered, the younger boy didn't even think of pulling back. His tears got mixed with Inoo's, and after a while Daiki didn't even knew who was crying anymore.
He got softly pushed away, and Inoo's eyes looked at him thoroughly, as if they could like right trough his head and see the purest of his soul.
"I'm glad you're here, I missed you. I love you so much Dai-chan, I don't want to leave you behind but it seems there's nothing I can do about it..."
Daiki's grip on Inoo's hands got stronger, "don't say such useless stuff."
But Inoo merely laughed weakly. "I've fought, and I've lost. There is no other way. But before I go, will you promise me one thing?"
The younger boy nodded. "Anything. I'll do anything for you."
"Please, become happy and when you are, be happy for me too so that I don't have to miss a thing when I look over you..."
Inoo's voice died away and a long steady bleep filled the room. The younger boy stared at ghe toher, and started to shake his shoulders, first very weak, but after that it got stronger.
"NO! INOO! COME BACK! HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO BE HAPPY WHEN YOU'RE NOT HERE?! COME BACK KEI! KEI COME BACK..." he screamed, but it didn't help a thing, and doctors rushed in, followed by JUMP. It was Hikaru who pulled Daiki away, and embraced him. It was Yabu who kept saying sorry, that Inoo was the one who didn't want Daiki to find out. And it was Takaki who silently collapsed in the room, asking how this could have happened.
'After that day, I haven't had a single day in which I didn't miss you. In which I didn't think about you, and wonder; how would it have been when I was by your side every day. Would I have eased your pain? Comforted you when you were sad and lonely, and didn't saw any hope at the end of the tunnel? I think I did, and I think that's the reason you didn't want me there. Not for me, but because you yourself couldn't stand having me there while you knew it was gonna end really soon.
Now you're with me every single day. Not only with me, but with the rest of JUMP and your family. As you wished for your body is cremated, and your ashed are dived in necklaces, for each and every one of us.
You already had the necklaces ready, each with a little text written on it. And though my text is the shortest of them all, I wouldn't have want it any other way.'
"I love you."
