Feb. 3rd, 2010

hikarinoniji: (Default)
Saying I'm weird would maybe be a little bit too rough, but I certainly have a 'different' look on life as the most people have.
Around me is nothing but a gray mass. People, objects, buildings. Everything blurs in and out each other, never having a stable shape. Maybe that's why I can never find my way back when I'm lost. My surroundings tend to change from time to time.

The only thing I can see clear are the things that I love. My family, friends, the stadium of my favorite soccer team, my belongings. They keep their shape. Colored and well. The rest is gray. But that's okay really. Because when something suddenly isn't gray anymore, it means I've come to love it.

Maybe that's why I'm an easy lover. I can't see the shape of things, nor humans. I look past and beyond their shape, trying to get to know it. Because knowing something, is a process of getting a clear opinion about it. And when opinions are formed, so are feelings towards that specific subject.
At least. That is what I like to think.

However my inability to see a clear shape of things is not what I want to talk about. It's about something I discovered while getting a good shape of the human beings around me. I observe. And it fascinates me how people always differ from each other. Not in terms of looks, but in terms of emotions, and interpreting them. 

We all experience the same emotions. Fear, pain, hurt, happiness, sadness, love, jealousy. And yet the one experience is always different from the other. Same goes for saying something when it's connected to a certain feeling.

We people tend to nag. About everything. It's what we do best. And how much haven't I heard the phrase 'oh please, just kill me.' I'm one of the people using that phrase if I'm being honest here. But there's such a huge difference in saying it and the reason for saying it, that I keep looking for different motives when someone says something in that direction. Why do we say it? Do we mean it?
I don't think people who say so don't want to be killed. Just heard. Whether it be to escape embarrassment, sadness, pain or just in a jokingly way.

Yet, the people who want to be killed the most will, never use a phrase like it. It's funny really.

I'm mostly fascinated by the feeling 'hurt', it's dark, and yet so light because to me it's, besides love, one of the purest emotions we can feel. Maybe that's why hurt and love can be so close to each other. But what is 'hurt' actually? Is it when you trip, fall and scratch your knee? Or when the person you loved so much breaks up with you? Or can't you feel hurt without losing one of the people dearest to you?

I think all mentioned above is real hurt. Because if it's something you sincerely feel, doesn't that make it real? But are there terms in which you can say one is more hurt than another, by any other experience? 

That is something that keeps me wondering. Because like I said, we people love to nag. Nag about how bad life is and how much our own life sucks. And somewhere along the way, we always try to make our own life suckier that it it because who crave for empathic reactions from others.

Now I know mostly everyone will say, "I do not." But be honest with yourself. We all do it. Everyone. And we may not exaggerate all the time, or all too much, but we all do it so once in a while. Because it makes our stories more interesting. 

Yet I do not think hurt is an emotion that makes us wanna 'lie' or exaggerate the whole ding. I think it's simply because we wanna express our
selves. Like when in love. When in love are our emotions also stronger, we also exaggerate little things.

But while in love emotions and happenings are usually positive, in hurt-mode it's more negative right? Two feelings that are opposite from each other ask for an opposite reaction. They attract and are connected with each other. That's why love can become hurt so easy. Or so I believe.  

That's why I'm fascinated by people why are either in love or hurt. How cruel that might sound to you. Because to me, there is no better way in getting to know them, by facing them while they are feeling these pure emotions. It's the same as seeing trough the mask they wear.

I just hope people can see trough my mask one day, like I do with them.

Archieより

ps. Archieより is just my own thoughts about several subjects. Other than trying to make sense, I'm trying to let people into my world. Whatever that may be. And let them know a little 'bout me, and the way I think. These posts have no meaning at all. Nor do they really make sense I think...

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hikarinoniji

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